This page is...
meant for the family members of people who have PTSD. I know it's difficult to understand what the person is going through but just the fact that the family makes an effort to learn more about it makes a difference.
A letter from my friend to her dad
Dear dad,
I know you have PTSD, but I don’t quite understand it. I can guess and assume but it doesn’t tell me the truth. I know about the Vietnam War and how as a kid my sister and I were never supposed to say anything about it. I wish you would talk about it, you may feel better? I understand the wanting to be alone and work on it for yourself, but you sometimes cant and that’s when you get pissed and lash out at us, your family. It hurts. It makes us feel worthless and like we can’t do anything to help. You yell, you scream and you don’t talk to us for days or weeks at a time because you don’t know how. We love you, but the fact that this has continued ever since I can remember has made my relationship with you hard. You withdraw and then I do as well because you don’t try. I want you to be my dad, I want my dad back, but I don’t feel I should have to put in the effort if you aren’t going to either. I realize this is wrong and not a good assumption, but help me help you and maybe we can work this out.
I wish I could say this to my dad, but it’s hard because he explodes so easily. I don’t know if what I am going to say will set him off or if he will take it in stride and be willing to talk to me. He says the most rotten things sometimes, and no, PTSD isn’t an excuse but it explains a lot and it makes sense when you look back on everything that he went through and how he grew up. Again, not an excuse to yell at his family but it opens my eyes to what he is dealing with. I just wish I could have my dad back sometimes and other times, I just want any part of him back. It isn’t easy being around someone with PTSD. It can get confusing and they can push your buttons and make you have to really challenge your own patience and self esteem. Hopefully one day something will come about that can make PTSD nonexistent. That would be nice, wouldn’t it?
I know you have PTSD, but I don’t quite understand it. I can guess and assume but it doesn’t tell me the truth. I know about the Vietnam War and how as a kid my sister and I were never supposed to say anything about it. I wish you would talk about it, you may feel better? I understand the wanting to be alone and work on it for yourself, but you sometimes cant and that’s when you get pissed and lash out at us, your family. It hurts. It makes us feel worthless and like we can’t do anything to help. You yell, you scream and you don’t talk to us for days or weeks at a time because you don’t know how. We love you, but the fact that this has continued ever since I can remember has made my relationship with you hard. You withdraw and then I do as well because you don’t try. I want you to be my dad, I want my dad back, but I don’t feel I should have to put in the effort if you aren’t going to either. I realize this is wrong and not a good assumption, but help me help you and maybe we can work this out.
I wish I could say this to my dad, but it’s hard because he explodes so easily. I don’t know if what I am going to say will set him off or if he will take it in stride and be willing to talk to me. He says the most rotten things sometimes, and no, PTSD isn’t an excuse but it explains a lot and it makes sense when you look back on everything that he went through and how he grew up. Again, not an excuse to yell at his family but it opens my eyes to what he is dealing with. I just wish I could have my dad back sometimes and other times, I just want any part of him back. It isn’t easy being around someone with PTSD. It can get confusing and they can push your buttons and make you have to really challenge your own patience and self esteem. Hopefully one day something will come about that can make PTSD nonexistent. That would be nice, wouldn’t it?
A letter to my family
Dear family,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I blow up at you for no reason. A lot of the times it's because I've internalized all my feelings of anxiety and just let them all out at he people that i love the most when I'm stressed. You don't deserve to be treated that way. I'm sorry that I just break down out in tears sometimes. I know that when I do, you want to comfort me and want to talk about it. I'm sorry that I can't talk about it then. I'm not good with words when it comes to this. I guess this is why I'm writing to you instead of saying this to you face to face. I really wish that I could talk to you face to face but when I'm in that dark place, I just can't form the right words. Not only that, but I don't feel like myself. I don't know how else to explain it other than it's as if the fear engulfs me and takes over.
I'm sorry for those months years ago where you lost me. I felt that who I was had died in the accident and that I'd never be the same person again. I was partially right. The person I was hadn't died in the accident but instead was deep inside me being compacted smaller and smaller by fear. But, I'm not the same person I was before the accident. I'm more cautious and I feel a greater need to help others just like we were helped that night. There are two of you that didn't know of the time when I had lost myself, you only know me as I am today. I just hope that you never get to see the lost me. I work hard everyday little by little to ensure that the smiles and laughs you all put on my face continue to happen.
Para mis padres, yo sólo quería darles las gracias.Gracias por hacer todo lo posible para hacer mi vida un poco mejor cuando yo pensaba que no podía seguir más. Cuando quise quitarme la vida porque ya no era una vida más, fue la idea de que me habrían
encontrado fue lo que hizo que no lo hiciera. No podía hacerle eso a ustedes. Ustedes se merecían algo mejor que eso. Ahora, gracias a su ayuda soy capaz de manejar. Eso era algo que pensaba que nunca podia hacer de nuevo. Los amo a los dos con todo mi corazón.
To my family who were in the car with me that night, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that my inability to talk about it has silenced you. It's unfair to you. I can see not only the physical scars we have but the mental ones that have only grown as time has passed. I promise you all that I will try to open up more, even though it hurts. I don't want to be silent anymore. I want to help all of us get better. Yes, I know there isn't a cure but, together we can make life better.
With much love (con mucho amor),
-S.S.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I blow up at you for no reason. A lot of the times it's because I've internalized all my feelings of anxiety and just let them all out at he people that i love the most when I'm stressed. You don't deserve to be treated that way. I'm sorry that I just break down out in tears sometimes. I know that when I do, you want to comfort me and want to talk about it. I'm sorry that I can't talk about it then. I'm not good with words when it comes to this. I guess this is why I'm writing to you instead of saying this to you face to face. I really wish that I could talk to you face to face but when I'm in that dark place, I just can't form the right words. Not only that, but I don't feel like myself. I don't know how else to explain it other than it's as if the fear engulfs me and takes over.
I'm sorry for those months years ago where you lost me. I felt that who I was had died in the accident and that I'd never be the same person again. I was partially right. The person I was hadn't died in the accident but instead was deep inside me being compacted smaller and smaller by fear. But, I'm not the same person I was before the accident. I'm more cautious and I feel a greater need to help others just like we were helped that night. There are two of you that didn't know of the time when I had lost myself, you only know me as I am today. I just hope that you never get to see the lost me. I work hard everyday little by little to ensure that the smiles and laughs you all put on my face continue to happen.
Para mis padres, yo sólo quería darles las gracias.Gracias por hacer todo lo posible para hacer mi vida un poco mejor cuando yo pensaba que no podía seguir más. Cuando quise quitarme la vida porque ya no era una vida más, fue la idea de que me habrían
encontrado fue lo que hizo que no lo hiciera. No podía hacerle eso a ustedes. Ustedes se merecían algo mejor que eso. Ahora, gracias a su ayuda soy capaz de manejar. Eso era algo que pensaba que nunca podia hacer de nuevo. Los amo a los dos con todo mi corazón.
To my family who were in the car with me that night, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that my inability to talk about it has silenced you. It's unfair to you. I can see not only the physical scars we have but the mental ones that have only grown as time has passed. I promise you all that I will try to open up more, even though it hurts. I don't want to be silent anymore. I want to help all of us get better. Yes, I know there isn't a cure but, together we can make life better.
With much love (con mucho amor),
-S.S.